5.12.2008

Mother's Day Depression?

Mother's Day is supposed to celebrate mothers. And it does. But sometimes Mother's Day depresses me...

In some sick way I feel guilty getting so much attention. I look at my husband and children who just love and hug all over me, telling me how great I am and making me crowns and homemade cards and in my head I'm thinking, "Yes, I know you think I'm great but I could be so much better..." I know thoughts like that aren't coming from heaven but it doesn't change the fact that I have them.

Bryan and the girls really spoiled me this year... Two dozen roses, fabulous breakfast of waffles with ice cream and berries, roast for dinner, funny cards and a game for the Wii that I've been wanting (Guitar Hero!!). Don't misunderstand, it was all terrific ~ I just felt like I didn't deserve it.

My house seems to be in a constant state of disarray, I'm tired all the time, Jordyn's been watching her fair share of videos if you know what I mean... I have good days where I get tons done and I feel like I've really accomplished something but, lately, those days are few and far between.

Then I look at my two beautiful children and I squint really hard and try to imagine seeing them the way the Lord might look upon them. They make me want to "Try a little harder to be a little better." Cara is smart, loving, compassionate, very open to the spirit, and is gaining more and more confidence in herself every day. She is a huge blessing in my life. Jordyn is funny, very musically inclined, independent, affectionate and so forgiving it sometimes makes my heart hurt. The last few nights they've been sleeping in the same bed for some strange reason that I've yet to figure out... They truly love each other.

And then I think, "Maybe I am doing something right..."

9 comments:

Aubrey said...

You are absolutely doing a fantastic job! Just like you said . . . look at your girls. We love them to pieces. And they are who they are because of you. (Well, and maybe Bryan a little bit!) You are an absolutely amazing mother. And you're one of my heroes. I am just amazed at everything you do, and how well you do it. Can I be like you when I grow up? You rock! Love ya tons!

kay said...

AMEN to what Aubrey said!!! Hilary...you are one of the most incredibly amazing people I have EVER met and you are constantly going and doing and being so many things for so many people. I look at your family and am so happy to see that some of the good ones are "getting it right"...you've got adorable, sweet, affectionate daughters who are joys to be around and that doesn't happen all by itself!!! They are so much a reflection of you and the time, love and tenderness you have given them. I'm so happy that you had such a spoiling on Mother's Day...that's the way it should be!!! And, I'm glad that they are getting to see what they should hope for when they are blessed to be mothers themselves! Besides which, I'm clapping for Bryan that he's teaching them the right way there...always be good to your mama!!! Enjoy them and give yourself a break, chickie...you're pretty dern amazing!!!

Love you!

Spymommy said...

Your doing a lot more than "some thing" right. You rock!

Phat Phillips said...

I love ya Hil! You are a great mommy and I think you are doing everything right. I hope that my children love me as much as yours do you. Love you. And p.s. you've been a great mother to me as well. Happy Mother's Day-enjoy the attention.

littlesomething said...

You are amazing! You are a great person and Mom. You have always aamazed me at how much you do and how well you do it! love ya

Hil said...

Okay, you all love me. I love you too! But I wasn't fishing for compliments... I just wanted to put it out there to see if anyone else related. I think the point of the post was to tell myself to keep trying harder and to accept the fact that there will be better days ahead. Thanks for the love. :)

Anderson Zoo Keepers said...

I think they are right, but I also understand where you are coming from. I struggle with these same thoughts on a daily basis. I get you - but your girls are gorgeous and your husband loves you. So don't let your mind go all jiggy on you and let you doubt too much. I know I try really hard to fight that battle myself.

Tobi said...

Hil,

We all doubt. We all think we could do more or do better. At least I always think that way. As Dory would say, 'Just Keep Swimming!'

Tobi said...

P.S. I love Gutiar Heroes for the Wii!! So much fun!